And so we've come to the last part in our crush saga: The end of a crushing era. You've come to your senses, he's getting married/moving/gay/otherwise now unattainable, you've finally decided it's not worth the emotional turmoil. In any case, something has happened to stop the crush in it's tracks or at least sent it skidding to a halt before it careened into an abyss.
So, now what?
In some ways getting over a crush is like breaking up. There were hopes and dreams, emotional attachments, and physical yearnings that just aren't going to come to fruition or be sated now. Which always blows. It's not so much the ending that sucks as much as the feeling of wasted time and effort. The end of it sucks, no doubt about it, but it's the time and effort put into it, even a crush, that makes it difficult to bear. Think about it. There you are, either while in a relationship or in the deep throes of a crush, with all these ideas of what the future could be like. You nurture it and cherish it like it was your own child and then suddenly it's gone. And what do you have to show for it? Nada.
There's a couple of different ways this aftermath can go. If you're the resilient sort you move on with nary a blip on your external radar. Crush over, at least you didn't date him, let's move on. If you are one of those people, go you! I wish I could be like that.
See, with me, breaking up or getting over a really intense crush requires some form of therapy. I'm not talking about getting over a celebrity crush or even one that I wasn't really invested in. I'm talking about the type of crush that I invested myself in and nurtured like it was my own child. Yes, I am guilty of this. It happens. I am, after all, only spectacularly human and prone to such whims and mistakes as humans make. Intense crushes are among those.
When it comes to recovery I'm trying desperately to avoid any kind of therapeutic measures that involve ice cream and new shoes. So, usually I'll curl up in my cave with a well read romance novel where I can pretend that I'm not me for a while. Other measures include some self pampering via home spa treatments. And another favorite is a girl's night.
Other girls are fabulous when it comes to helping you get over a crush. (Or for guys, guy time can probably have the same affect.) Where else can you get together and bemoan your losses over a bitch beer and a cigarette while hanging out in a hot tub? Girl's night. It's good for just about anything that ails you. Boys, work, weight, money, boys... I could go on.
The point basically being that one of the greatest cures for a fallen crush is to do something for you. I know it's nearly impossible to take time out of our schedules to make me time, but it's a necessity in normal life. That makes it even more important in the midst of an emotional blow. If you like to hike, go for a long one and fall in love with nature. If you like to shoot, find a range and buy twice the ammo you usually do. If you're a geek, like me, find a convention nearby and take a weekend trip to go be with your fellows in geekdom. And barring that, fill up your Netflix instant view with your favorite sci-fi and anime (or chick-flicks or action films or TV show, whatever it is that you like) and hunker down for a good marathon. Do something for you not only to distract yourself, but to remind yourself that you're worth it.
And whatever you do, don't feel guilty. Don't feel bad about taking time out. Don't feel bad about the extra slice of pizza. And don't feel bad about breaking down and crying a bit. Tears are an emotional release valve. You'll feel better.
What's your best therapy for a break up or a fallen crush? Leave me a note in the comments and give the world the benefits of your insights! I'm all about audience participation!
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And so ends the Crush series. In retrospect, I probably could have chosen a less intimidating starter topic for this blog. Nothing like jumping off a cliff to learn if I can fly.
Not entirely certain what the next topic is going to be. I may just go as the spirit moves me in my writing for a while rather than do something topic driven again. Stay tuned for the fun!
K
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